2 Fast 2 Spurious

vs Bury St. Edmunds (home 26th June ’21)

Another dodgy week of weather but enough drying out overnight and perfect Saturday conditions meant that the Colne ground staff could stay in bed an extra hour before cutting the moss and laying down a strip for all occasions.

The opposition today would be Bury St. Edmunds, and as the church clock (somewhere) struck 12.45, we wondered where they might be. Eventually, they all turned up and the decision was taken they would bat first. If only they’d known that ‘Ripper’ Moon was that very moment being unleashed from his strait-jacket in the changing room, having spent 48 hours moving house and in the mood for further destruction, just as he had with the Stradbroke top order seven days before.

As Moon senior worriedly prowled the boundary on a direct line to Ladbroke’s, hedging the habitual jug-purchasing that he’s become accustomed to from one of his boys delivering big-time, ‘Ripper’ started the inevitable. In his first over, he had batsmen #1 & #3 caught, the first one a smart catch at 2nd slip by Sam, the second a regulation leading edge plopping up to Pat. After taking two more wickets (both bowled) and celebrated in with his deft Ronaldo demi-turn, his figures for the past two matches were looking impressive; 21 overs, 9-33. How fortunate that the wedding he was due to go to next week has been cancelled ! With elder brother Dave opening at the other end, we expected the floodgate of relief to surge through the oppo batsmen as they mastered the dastardly dibbly-dobblers from the Prince of Spain. But not today ! Only occasionally was he carted off to deep extra cover or over square leg to go with his two wickets, so that after 15 overs, the scoreboard had a distinctly lop-sided look of about 35-7. When David ‘Jonty’ Mead calmly threw to the right end for a run out, and then took a smart catch at square leg, Colne sensed this was a day when everything would come together.

Fresh from pulling off a worldie catch last week that somehow escaped the reporter’s notice (will this do ? Ed.) Brommers contrived to put down a ‘villagie’ at gully this week (that’s the price ! Ed.) but we’ll forget about that one…soonish. With Connor going wicketless at one end – and then having the cheek to ask if he could forfeit his match fee through lack of contribution – it was left to Ben “I’m never bowling again” Mason to find the form he’s been showing in the nets but not on recent matchdays, to pick up the final wickets and take home impressive figures of 3-3 from 11 balls. Special mention must go to all the fielders who made the offside an impenetrable ring, such as Alex, Sam, and Daryl (except that one that got through!). Credit also must go to new stand-in ‘keeper, David G. for the usual tidy service, a neat catch, and even standing so far back as to take some deliveries behind the stumps. New friendships were established with the square-leg umpire whose knowledge of the rules was clearly on a par with some of our appeals !

When Pat pouched a steepler for the final wicket (TV Umpire check complete, ‘steepler’ = at least 40m up, Ed.) Bury St.E. were done for 53 within 25 overs, and the gourmands amongst the Colne team, all 11 of them, were left wondering “is this a late lunch or an early tea?”

The Colne innings started briskly as always with the skipper finding the boundary, then David G. looking incredulous as he was given out lbw yet again. This gave the chairman the perfect opportunity to play the ‘Chris Tavare’ innings with 35 needed from 35 overs, and for a short while it looked like that might be the case, but then Daryl spoilt that equation further with some lavish hitting, before ‘walking’ almost before he’d nicked one down the leg side. In came Sam, and before you could say “Nar then!” he’d smitten a boundary and the game was up.

Victory by 8 wickets and the slightly guilty feeling of a first pint at 4pm, the post-match analysis and interviews done by 5pm, and moving onto weightier topics such as reminiscing about the good ‘ole days when we never used to scored 20 points, or when we were bowled out for 34 not so long ago, or how had David Mead planned to start work at 5pm, or where exactly is the line between positive team spirit in the field versus being over-exhuberant pains in the derriere….the list goes on.

As do our fixtures; next week back to West Suffolk (constituency of a naughty ex-Health Secretary) and a visit to the lovely ground at Elvedon. With this run of form and the Moon brothers making our batsmen redundant, you can almost write it all up in advance !


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